THE DAY WHEN IT ALL HAPPENS IN KMART !

This is what I was learning this week WALT add detail to support the mood/feeling we are trying to create.

To be successful I will:

• Choose ideas that we can add more information for our reader (feeling, thoughts, what we saw)
• Add interesting adjectives and verbs
• Use language features such as hyperbole, rhetorical questions, simile, metaphor, repetition

.

I think I was successful because I had repetition and similes in my writing.

I still need to learn to make short sentences that make sense instead of going on and on about what happened.

T HE DAY WHEN IT ALL HAPPENS IN KMART !

This is a mysterious story and it can go on and on until you get to the best parts where it get's really good and really bad . Warning this story recommends ages 10 - 14 and it has violence that may disturb the peace of the little kids up to 5 years. So sit down and have some popcorn and a drink of L&P and enjoy reading the story.

On a nice sunny day my parents, my brothers and I went to whangarei in the holidays and here is what happened.

“Can we go to the Arthurs emporium mum” asked Chace “ok” mum said. So we were driving to the Arthurs emporium and when we arrived we got out of the car I wanted to buy something but I didn’t know what it was so I kept thinking while I was walking around looking at everything that was in there. Later on my mum wanted to stay there for a little bit so Chace walked around until he saw some kites it was a shape as a jet. My mum was looking for some pieces for here humpty dumpty that she wanted to make, I went bored because the shop was lame only Chace and my mum liked it. I wasn’t sure if Hilton or my dad liked it.

I asked my dad, ”Dad, can we go now ? This is boring. I want to go to Kmart. ” he said ”just wait for your mother” so I was wondering around like a sloth. My arms were swinging backwards and forwards just like a swing. Next minute I continued to look around at things while my mum was grabbing pieces for her humpty dumpty that she was going to make. After that we all hopped in the car I moaned “FINALLY LET’S Go !” I was so sick and tired of my brothers because they kept on talking  and talking and talking and talking. That’s when I felt really angry at them because I didn’t want to listen to those two I said “SHUSH!” they both stopped straight away. So we drove to Kmart I said “everytime we come in the doorway I always smell pizza but there is no pizza in here”. I really wished that there were actually real pizza in there, “Now that would be cool right”.

Afterwards we were searching for something to buy so Chace and I went to where the sports equipment was, while Hilton was with mum and dad. Chace and I were walking around in circles until we lost the others then we started to wonder where they were so we went around in the shop looking for them.

There was no sign of them so Chace and I split up and went around the shop until we found each other. Finally we saw Hilton coming towards us and  asked “we were looking for you guys”, “we were looking for you guys too”. That day wasn’t what I was expecting but I did have fun especially when Chace and I were running around in kmart that was cool actually because we were looking for them but we didn’t find them until we were leaving. The end of the story of darkness.